Indians simply love giving advice and a mix of advice and passion is a dangerous concoction! Add another ingredient i.e. the ultimate faith in bride and groom’s virginity and you will have the most hilarious cocktail of absurdity and craziness.
When some of the young men and women were asked about the first night sex advice they got from their elders, the replies were hilarious. Here are a few most eye-roll-worthy replies of all.
keep your popcorn ready and have fun!
1. “Doodh pe malai matt jamne dena.”
As if malai will result in some natural disaster which is definitely gonna spoil their night. Dude!! This line must be in some 90s movie song!!
2. “If the girl is on top, she won’t get pregnant because of the gravity.”
Somebody please take them to physics classes because if things continue at this rate, the future of physics in India is in real danger.
3. “Clip and file your nails.”
Seriously?? Why? Because you will have to explain to that ER nurse how the fingernail got lodged in place it ought not be???
4. “If you make him sneeze just before he comes, the orgasm will be stronger.”
How God? How? I beg you to tell just how things could be stopped mid-way and wait until he sneezes? Should we use Kashmiri Mirch or no a feather would be a better idea right!?
5. “Squeeze her boobs like a horn. They love it.”
Yeah and yank his equipment like a gear shift. They will love it!!
6. “It is best to have sex in the night because the body is relaxed and the sperm are sleeping.”
My appeal to education minister: Please make sex education compulsory in school!!!
7. “If you want to get pregnant immediately, lie with your legs up in the air for 15 minutes right after sex. If you don’t, immediately stand up so it drains out.”
Banging my head on the bed post repeatedly because I am definitely reading something wrong right? Right? Please Tell me this is not what they said!!
8. “If you love him, you’ll enjoy the sex.”
Yeah? And what if he sneezes or burps into your mouth while kissing! You’ll enjoy that too?
9. “Put an ice popsicle inside the vagina before doing it. The cold will make the sex more pleasurable for him.”
Is this the reason those expensive suits and hotel rooms all have fridges loaded with such things??? I’m having a mini heart attack! My whole life feels like a lie right now!
10. “Scrape your teeth lightly on the shaft. It makes the sensations stronger.”
Yeah do this and he will have strong sensations of stomach-rolling, eye-popping fear and pain!
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